¿Qué hora son en Inglaterra? ¿Qué hora son en el Japón?

I asked Dan O'Connor, who played Ned what advice he would give someone with a dream or ambition.. I NEVER THOUGHT I'D GET IT ANSWERED!! EEEE!!! My touch with fame! Ok it's lame.. but EEEEEE!!! :D

Click on Dan O'Connor for the video: http://www.bbc.co.uk/drama/neighbours/askactors/interviews.shtml

For the text interview: http://www.bbc.co.uk/drama/neighbours/whoswho/characterbiogs/index.shtml?/drama/neighbours/whoswho/characterbiogs/content/_ned/page5

That pentagonal shape? The answer was 25.3! 0.1 off my answer!! I HAD ROUNDED PREMATURELY. WHY DID I DO THAT?! lol I regretted it as soon as I walked out of the hall!!

I will get method marks but I lost some because of that!! I KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING BUT I WAS AN IDIOT AND DID THAT! I NEVER DO THAT NORMALLY! WHY DID I DO THAT NOW?! WHYYYYYYYY

*kicks self HARD*

And tomorrow are the Phys/Chem/Bio exams. I KNOW NOTHING. I am SCREWED.

Ahhh!! Two maths papers down, Biology, Chemistry and Physics to go. LOL this is why I've been so delayed in updating this.

Section A was a gift! I mucked up the histrogram question a bit, but they had translations, standard form, rules of indices, Pythagoras, sequences and the histogram - EVERYTHING I'd revised! I hope I get a decent mark out of that paper.

Section B, the calculator paper, was a bit harder.. the quadratic graph question I couldn't do, but if I remember correctly there was percentages (which I finished JUST as Miss said "Put your pens down" and I was like "YESSSSS! Get in, my son!"), four-point moving averages (VERY kind question to give me!) and a question at the back which had a pentagonal shape that looked like a rectangle with a point at the end, which required you to find the perimeter. I remember it actually... I think the top was 6cm, the line of symmetry 10cm, the angle at the point was 56 degrees.

I made a right-angled triangle out of the top bit (10 - 6 = 4, which was the base of the triangle I had made, the angle was 28 degrees because you had to half 56 degrees), then used trigonometry (tan = opposite over adjacent, so opposite = tan 28 x 4) to get the length of the opposite side. The result was something like 2.10, correct to 3 significant figures, which I multiplied by 2 to get the length of the flat side on the right of the shape. I then used Pythagoras to get the length of the hypotenuse, which I also multiplied by 2 to get the two points. That was something like 4.50, correct to 3 significant figures. So 4.50 + 4.50 + 2.10 + 2.10 + 6 + 6 = 25.2. Maybe I shouldn't have sig-figged the numbers before the end.. bum :S That question was worth 6 marks as well! Did anyone else get that answer, or did I mess up?? Miss sometimes leaves out numbers when she calculates stuff in examples...

LOL well I hope I didn't do too badly. I probably did but oh well. Science exmas on wednesday, I'm gonna do even worse...

Going to Valencia to stay at Karla's (they've been to ours so we're going there) on 14th March, I'll be back on the 22nd, in time for Ostara xD I wonder if Skunk would want to celebrate it with me that day. I'll be on my own otherwise.. but I guess that's not so bad. =)

GOOD:

*Party on Friday! w00t! What a way to start the weekend xD
*Possibly staying at Skunk's after the party.. DOUBLE w00t!
*Shopping this week sometime, if I can get what I need Skunk gets a pleasant suprise Friday..
*Possibly getting hair done this week.. I know what style I want xD (dw no drastic changes being made!)
*Learning a whole new load of information in revision. Yay for intelligence!

BAD:

*SO MUCH REVISION! ARGH!! I'm going to go insane.
*Exams in a WEEKS TIME! ARGH!! Maths on Monday, Sciences on the Wednesday.. ERG!
* English Lit essay to finish, write a speech AND memorise it.. all before Friday
*Bloody swimming... ten minutes in the pool for a day reeking of chlorine. UGH.

I can't WAIT for the weekend. This week is going to be VAIR grit-your-teeth.

Ahhh! I LOVE SKUNK SO MUCH!!! Haha sorry I just don't use a diary to write this in anymore. Should do, really.

How is it he can stand me?! I'm not pretty, I'm not cool, I'm just this little 15 year old girl! Yet here I am, with this popular, totally awesome guy! You don't even GET guys like him now.. he's understanding, kind, polite, honest, faithful.. I mean how often do you get that?! In guys? Nowadays?!

I just hope this is not all too good to be true! If he left me I would die.

I miss him so much. It's pathetic, we saw each other earlier today! Haha. Still, I only get to see him once a week =(

I hope he finds my old BOS... I left it at his =S Kind of important!!

Haha sorry it's been so long updating.. so much coursework over the last few weeks (I got an A for the gargoyle project in art, YAY =D) and we have exams in early March so that will delay my updating even more.. GRR.

Skunk and I had a TOTALLY awesome Valentine's Day. Certainly the best one I have ever had. I have not celebrated Valentine's that much before and to finally do so was fun =D

I am so in love with him!! Unfortunately my rents aren't so trusting.. I do not see why!! How can a person who is into Harry Potter, McFly and Busted be dodgy?! Honestly. And no one knows him like I do.

He still loves me no matter what I tell him about my life. Even if I seem like a complete cow he doesn't care and continues to tell me he loves me!! Slightly Harold Bishop of him, and I think that's amazing =D Harold Bishop is awesome =)

I had the Spanish exchange girl, Karla, over a couple of weeks ago. She's really cool!! We had such a laugh =D I'm going to hers in March with the others, I can't wait!!

I just need to get these bloody exams over and done with, and everything will be fine...

Skunk + me = closer than EVER.

I can still taste him on my lips.

I am so glad I can make him happy =D

I've been Skunk's girlfriend nearly a week. What a week it's been!

I am so glad I admitted my feelings for him. I really love being with him, and I miss him insanely when he's not around.

God, before I guess I was just scared? Maybe that's why I couldn't see a relationship before. But now I can see everything clearly.. "I can see clearly now the rain has gone, I can see all obstacles in my way" sorta thing, haha!

In other news.. lots to do in my art project (the gargoyle thing).. I have to make my sketchbook better (according to Miss), finish my gargoyle and start my evaluation. ARGH!! I STILL have two english essays and a spanish leaflet to produce for my coursework.. UGH lol! Lots of work for little moi. But it shouldn't be too bad =D

I am vairrr happy at the moment. I don't want this to end =D oh Goddess, don't let it please!

Skunk came over today! We had the BEST time (Well, I certainly enjoyed myself =P).

We ended up kissing, which suprised me. One thing led to another, and now we're going out! I am so happy! I finally don't have to feel confused anymore. I know how I felt all along. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!! xD! I really do love him and I just want to kiss him a thousand times, saying it over and over again. Oh how I want to be in his arms again right now. Ohhhh I love him (is very scared he'll get scared off now haha)!!

I have learned a valuable lesson today. I love who I love, boy or girl. Labelling doesn't matter. The person I love does.

be sorted @ nimbo.net

Mark (net friend who I met on the KI forum) has TOTALLY helped me out with this whole situation (from and MSN conversation we just had):

Thing is, I totally get the same sometimes. I switch between gay and bi every five minutes.

i'd so much rather stick to just one label

but I can't because then i might get involved with a girl and then decide I'm gay again.

When I was with tricia, i got so confused and i didn't feel attracted to her towards the edn of it

I really know how it feels. My (technically) best friend, Rebecca, i always thought we would be together. when I realised i was bi or gay i started to doubt it. And when i decided i didn't like tricia and i was gay i told rebecca. and she started saying "tbh i'm gutted. i love you. i thought we were gonna get married and everything" and it broke my heart, it really did.

Now I tell her I'm bi and she's confused about how she feels about me now, and i know i want to know her forever, but i always change my mind on if i lvoe her in the right way or just as a best friend. And now she has a boyfriend, and whenever she does i never think he's good enough for her

i just wish i could either be bi or straight for her, or be totally decidedly gay and she can be the "grace" to my Will

i think it's hard because it makes us feel guilty for being who we are. it's like personal homophobia. Because you begin to resent how you are- or resent your relationship because it brings so much pain, but in reality all you want is to be able to love them and be sure of it

the best thing to do I think is to sort out in your head exactly what you want from them, first of all in the ideal situation and then in the current one.

like, in an ideal world, you would love him and be straight or bi, and you could be together. if that's what you genuinely feel

but in the situation with your sexulaity how it is- what do you want form him? do you want to just be near him? kiss him? hold him? go as far as having sex and marrying him?

(I said hugging and kissing there)

Then judging on what you want there, either yuo just want the beginnings of a normal relationship (i.e. an immature -no offence, i mean literally as in your still a child- one where you don't feel ready for sex) or you are simply trying to express in your way a closeness you feel to him that is not sexual, but purely affectionate

the problem is, it could be damaging to him to be given just that. Because he wants more, and it's as though you're dangling yourself on a string in front of him (though i'm suer that's not what you intend to do in the slightest), so i'ts giving him mixed messages. "i love you, but i'm not in love with you." "i want to kiss you but I don't want to have sex with you" "i need you but i don't *want* you, does that make sense?

(I said I always tell him my feelings anyway)

then i guess that's all you can do. I think you should be totally honest with him. You need to know if he's comfortable with being there simply as the closest friend you have. As being a non-sexual partner. If that's too much (whih i worry that it would be for a lot of people) you may just have to deny yourself kissing him, and simply live with being friends

i wish i could come up with something better, and im sure you will, but i'm not the one who can solve this situation for you- i've spoken to you, and i'll speak again whenever you like, but i can only give advice and help. i can't offer the solution

But it's all REALLY helped me. It's so reassuring to know I'm not the only one! =)

This Skunk thing is driving me INSANE. Do I love him as a friend (like I always will anyway) or romantically? Well thinking it through, I can only think of two explanations for all this.

1. Maybe like the QYA members were saying, me wanting to kiss him and stuff could just be a sign of affection towards him because I feel so close, not nescessarily fancying him or anything. Just feeling really friendly towards him.

2. I could be in love (romantically) with him, but I don't know it. Yet.

Argh, how annoying! I wish I could work this out.

Maybe things really can be better after all. I know I tend to moan in this LiveJournal, wanting to be optimistic but end up being a whiney little idiot. But I see a glimmer of hope now. I can't forgive myself for the bad things I've done in my life, but I know Skunk cares for me and at the moment that's all that matters. He shows faith in me no matter what I've done (crazily he seems to think everything I've done that I think is really bad actually is minor).

About the other day, I got so confused I sent a post on the QYA boards and asked for help. I got several reassuring replies:

"Don't let it get you down, for some people sexuality is what you chose, for others it's something that develops.
It's the same if a straight person has a crush on someone of their own sex. It doesn't necessarily mean they're gay.

Hope you feel better :)"

"Do you fancy him the way that you fancy girls? Or do you just enjoy him as a girl-fill-in? If he makes you feel happy and good then that's nothing to do with sexuality, we all like affection from friends, in varying amounts. I've snuggled up with and snogged many of my close guy mates but I wouldn't want to fuck any of them or have a relationship with any of them because I don't feel we click in that way - most likely cos I'm way more into girls.

My point was, you shouldn't tear yourself apart over this. It's pretty common I'd think, and if you're not comfortable with it you should always stop."

"dont worry about it, when i feel close to ppl i think its a natural thing to kiss them, it doesnt mean i want a relationship. for example, i have kissed my best str8 male mate and my best gay mate, martin...but i don't fancy them, its just a way of translating how close i am to them in actions. They know that i dont want anyhing more and vice versa.

the more important thing is that you let him know how he stands so he doesnt get hurt, whether its that you like him, or not or even just if you explain to him that you're confused."

I felt so much better.

But I still am confused about how I feel about him. I love him, but I don't think it's in the way he wants me to yet. Maybe this is like, a test, to show if I am really straight-up lesbian (oh the irony of the phrase "straight-up"). He showed me how much he loves me a few nights ago, and it overwhelmed me so much I couldn't stop crying and I was literally crying out loud. I told him how I felt back. I just love him so, he's the nicest bloke I've ever met in my life. He's keeping me going. lol if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't really have much reason to stay alive. Really. Life is so pitiful. But I forget it all when we talk and stuff, and everything is so much better because he likes me for ME. He's not like Gary, who I loved for the similar personality and interests to Skunk, but Gary always used to put me down. As well as all that psychological crap he messed my brain with (I swear I haven't thought straight since). Skunk has never done that (apart from my microphone that we use in voice conversations, it makes me sound like a five-year-old and Skunk will use every oppertunity he has to take the piss! haha). However I don't know if I love him 'in that way'. It's so confusing.

But he won't give up the battle. He's a warrior, alright.

On other news, I think my kidney infection's returned (as it hurts in the same way it did before). I've been off school for the last two days because of it - sorry Jacob, you can't use the excuse I was on my period because THIS IS THE EVIDENCE (lmao). Last night, I went to bed at 11pm or so. Early for me, huh? Well I tried getting to sleep.. didn't work. At nearly 1am I went to see mum and she made me a hot water bottle and I got myself a Horlicks, which usually puts me to sleep. But I spent THE REST OF THE NIGHT trying to get to sleep, thinking, and staring at the darkness of my bedroom. I had a lot of quality 'me' time last night. One thing was rather cool though. The moon was outside my window, and its light shone right onto my face. I felt pretty magickal for a while, just lying there, in the purest of lights. It reminded me, I need to get more witchy stuff done lol.

This is all painful and annoying. I wonder if I'll sleep tonight. But I don't care right now. Thinking about Skunk makes me forget it all.

What the HELL is up with me?

I went to Skunk's today, and we played PS2 for a bit. It was good fun!

But we talked and hugged a lot. He kissed my collarbone and neck and face and arms and soon we almost kissed PROPERLY. He was THAT CLOSE. We shared a peck but before I had to leave he tried tilting my face towards his, but I turned away.

Now I'm wondering.. am I really bi because I almost let that happen, and I loved snuggling up with him?

Maybe (and this is what Stef reckons) it was because I felt like I was when I was with Stef.. after all, we hugged like that a LOT and randomly talked and kissed, and he even did the tickly-army-strokey-thing that Stef used to do. I felt a bit like I was with her when my eyes closed.

But maybe it's because I love affection from guys, that cuddly affection thing that boys do that make me feel safe.

I have no idea.

I am SO confused!

Possibly the funniest episode of Neighbours EVER today, "Gay It Isn't So". For those who don't know Neighbours, I will link their names to the BBC character profiles so you know roughly who's who. See the brief BBC update here.

Today's installment focused on the Susan/Alex storyline (for those who don't know, they've fallen in love but he recently was diagnosed with lyphoma and is dying.. and has only just told Susan despite proposing to her earlier), the whole thing with Toadie suspecting Ned to be gay (which is starting to get on Ned's brother Stuart's wick) and the Elle/Izzy/Paul problem (Elle is jealous of father Paul's sort-of-on-off girl friend Izzy, as Elle feels starved for affection so she starts spiking Izzy's drinks with drugs to make her seem weak).

Susan, having just found out about Alex's cancer and realising there is no cure for it, spends most of the episode in tears. Bree gets her shoulder cried on in one part of the episode, then comes over with a 'special edition' of "Chocolat" (one that's had the pages cut out in the middle, and chocolates put inside) to cheer Susan up a bit. She is a nice girl really. Actually I think ALL the Timmins children (I love Dylan and Stingray, but Janae is getting better) are better than their mother Janelle! I know her character is meant to be annoying, but UGGHH. Anyways Bree and Susan talked and eventually Bree made up with Rachel and Zeke (Alex's kids, who became her best friends and are kindred spirits. Bree fancied Zeke and Rachel tried to force Zeke into being with Bree, and the poor kid got confused. Bree fell out with the two of them over the whole matter).

Elle fell out with Izzy at the Scarlet bar for kissing Ned, who she fancied (even though Ned kissed HER). Elle warned Izzy to not use her father as well, like she had played with Ned and Karl, however Izzy retaliated with "Don't play the adult games" and left Elle furious. So Elle retrieved Izzy's old drugs from the garden where she threw them before (Izzy had a drugs problem, and Elle kept the last of her stash to spike her drinks and make her act funny when she wanted to undermine her) and put them in her coffee for the next morning. However Izzy didn't want it, and Paul picked up the coffee! Panicking, Elle offered to make a fresh one, but Paul said "Nooo, this one's fine" and he was about to take a sip and the episode ended! Oooh how is she gonna get out of this one?

But the BEST THING was Toadie! He has an on-going suspicion that Ned is gay, because he keeps going out mysteriously and he was seen with a man who said "Hey, the guys were really impressed." to him mysteriously.. o_O! Desperate to 'out' Ned, he talked to Sky about what happened with Lana, and how she helped her (Lana was an 'in the closet' lesbian, who came out last year thanks to Sky's support and help.. BRING BACK LANA =( why oh why was she only a guest character?!), who said that IF Ned is gay, he should NOT be treated like 'a science project' and should 'be normal'. Toadie agreed with this.. but managed to be as un-subtle as he possibly could! He talked about Lana when he returned, saying how she and Sky were good friends and how Sky helped her out when she was coming out. Later in the episode, in 'Bounce' Bikini Shop (the shop he co-owns with housemate Connor and Connor's current girlfriend Serena) he asks Ned to come up with a new line of stuff for the shop, asking to come up with something for the men that would welcome in everyone.. 'straights and those of the same-sex persuasion'.. and then gives him a Cher CD to listen to while he's doing it to see what happens.

However, Ned is VERY confused and thinks TOADIE is gay! lol! God this episode made me laugh. Toadie was SO un-subtle to Sky about what happened between her and Lana and then to Ned! ARGH the hilarity!!

xD

(DIGITAL SPY SUMMARY: Susan is devastated by Alex's admission and pushes him away. Karl offers comfort and voices his belief that Alex is good man who wasn't being deliberately underhanded. He reveals that Alex told him of his devotion to Susan well before he knew he was dying. Motivated partly by her growing love for Rachel and Zeke, Susan promises Alex she'll stand by him as a friend – but the engagement is off.

Regretting her devious and jealous behaviour, Elle has been nursing "pill addict" Izzy back to health. But the minute Elle gets the (wrong) impression that Izzy is having an affair with Ned, she's back to her old tricks. She makes Izzy a "special" cup of coffee but when Paul goes to drink it instead, Elle is horrified.

Ned declares his feelings for Izzy and offers to "rescue" her from Paul. Still reeling from a hurtful encounter with Karl, Izzy rejects Ned's puppy-dog crush and reiterates her commitment to Paul. Heartbroken, Ned withdraws.

Bree convinces herself she hates the "fake" Kinski kids, but Susan insists that their intentions were always good. When Susan convinces Bree that sensitive Rachel and Zeke badly need her friendship, Bree swallows her hurt and buries the hatchet.

Toadie hopes to lure Ned "out of the closet". Though Toadie's intentions are noble, his "politically correct" routine becomes embarrassing for all concerned. Totally confused (and decidedly straight) Ned starts to suspect it's Toadie who’s gay.)

.. my girl mate has declared shes in love with me.

One problem - lives FAR FAR away!!!


ARGGGGGGGGGH

Ok, I really HAVE hit rock bottom. Last night and this morning in a fury I started attacking my arms with scissors and knives.

I am starting to get scratches and stuff on them.

ARG. What have I done?? I feel so.. ARG.

I'm not feeling all that bad today really.

My stepsister Charlie came so that cheered me up =D and I HOPEFULLY am going to Norwich tomorrow for my last day before going to "Slave Labour HQ" (Stef's term for school).. I REALLY need to buy glue and I want to get this skirt I've been looking at for a while.. I have the money for it now! If I don't get to go I may go see King Kong.. haven't seen it yet!!

However my dad phoned today asking to see my brother and thankfully my mum said no, not wanting him to be "disturbed as Victoria has been disturbed". I nearly picked up the phone myself, thinking it was my mate Mini Karon and I'm glad I didn't. I would have gotten a nasty suprise!!

And my friend Katy seems to need counselling.. she's always acting strangely, seems confused about stuff and I think talking to a professional counsellor would help her out. However she plans to live off friend's advice, and refuses to go. I really need to convince her to go, she'd seem a much better person for going because she seems a bit weirded out at the moment.

Skunk? I'm going to see him at the weekend. Quite looking forward to it actually. I need a hug!

Now it's the New Year, and a year after my counselling and stuff that stopped me killing myself, I think it's time to reflect on life in general.

The thing I hate about life is how it's been tainted by the human race.

People + people = chaos.

People don't get on with other people. We clash. Everyone is fighting. People say for their country and for their beliefs and whatever. But we're all PEOPLE here. Why can't we just accept others customs and just leave them alone? If people don't agree with the idea, why don't they just keep that to themselves?

Because people are selfish? Probably.

I have gotten so used to hearing/seeing the words "hundreds killed" (or however mainly killed), when someone's bombed a city or murdered someone and I am sad I feel that way. Why should there be murder? And it's on innocent people sometimes (like Kate and her family who were held hostage recently. http://uk.news.yahoo.com/29122005/325/palestinians-search-uk-hostages.html). Why should there be any crime at all?

Some individuals are just plain self-centered.

We're all people. Can't we just all get along?

And another thing. Pollution. Now the earth is slowly dying because of the o-zone layer being broken and we've caused it. Why couldn't we have been more careful?

I still love the beautiful things in life. I love those memorable moments that you have with your friends, the type of things you do that you'll remember for a lifetime. I wish that could happen all the time. A life full of happiness and memorable times. Why must we fight constantly?

Another thing I hate is dying. Even though sometimes I wish I was gone, I am terrified I won't be remembered. And I'm terrified there isn't a Summerlands there for me when I die. Or that theres no Summerlands at all. I'm also scared of the pain.

All I know is I've got to try my best to stay strong, even though I may falter. Because I want to make something of myself and follow all my dreams. I don't want my life to be forgotten, I want to do something memorable.

We all need to work hard and try our best in order to make our world a better place in 2006. I know we can do it. Come on, let's make something of this life and make history!

... no clue if I want to go through with it now.

I am so confused.

ARGH!!

I really do moan too much in this journal. I just have no where else to say it.